Yeah its long...
Angela & Michael: After Angela Ubered off into the Nigerian night last week, Aunt Lydia questioned if Michael was prepared to tolerate outbursts like this from his wife (Here’s your late pass from the last 3 years, Aunt Lydia). He assured her of his ability to handle Angela, as he set off driving back to their apartment, nervously gripping his fake Louis Vuitton steering wheel cover the entire way, knowing what awaited him. He found Angela in the apartment sitting in the kitchen wearing one of her sensible toting camisole tops, waiting for her prey to arrive. She wasted no time letting Michael have it, giving him the hard facts that she will NOT be anyone’s submissive wife. Michael persistently tried to calm her rage, even using a quiet tone and trying to talk through the angry fury raining down upon him, but no such luck. For those that could only see the fight as a bunch of yelling, the meat of it was this; Michael has been agreeing with Angela all along that they will be (whatever Angela considers to be) equal partners in their marriage, but also telling his family that he will be the head of the household/She will be the submissive wife. I’m sure given the Facebook courtship, the age difference, and the fact that Michael once did the bj forreal all have been stored in Angela’s internal hard drive, so any discrepancies shown on Michael’s part are met with a category 5 Hurricane Angela. Combine that with the struggle over leaving her gravely ill mother at home to be on “Bridezillas- Nigeria” (which she didn’t want to do in the first place), and it’s the recipe for the perfect storm. Some of the screaming highlights included “there’s only one person I bow down to and that’s Jesus” (who’s up in Heaven, dropping his mic right about now…). I would appreciate it if Dr. Pettigrew would recheck Angela’s blood pressure at this point, as I’m not so sure if it would be as perfect. Michael followed Angela from the initial fight location of the kitchen, to the bedroom where the door was slammed in his face. Michael really does deserve some bowing down, as he has had the patience of a Saint, ignoring all of the yelling and has shown dogged determination to get through to his non-submissive fiance. Each time the camera showed Michael he appeared to have aged, and lost an article of clothing. The following morning, Angela had started to slip out of her Hulk mode, and actually listened to Michael as he claimed that he would tell his family he was choosing the least submissive wife ever. Only caring about Michael’s Mother’s opinion, she invited Mama Michael over, along with a neutral third party translator to make sure Mama officially approved of their marriage, and to make sure Michael wasn’t pulling any fast ones over on her. Angela was looking very put together in her black top and coordinating headband, complimented by her matching gold chain/rhinestone lips necklace and earrings set from Rainbow. (I am loving all of her “love” themed jewelry this season). Mama showed up looking fabulous as ever in her pink outfit and headpiece. Angela started the conversation, welcoming Mama and making sure she was okay with the fact that she had no intentions of, and I quote, “Kissing Michael’s ass”. Mama agreed, and even continued on to give them her blessing for marriage. After that meeting went so well, Michael asked Angela what today’s wedding status would be, and she said “Game On”. Looks like my toaster might actually have a forever home! (That is, until production set up poor Michael once again for a beat down. Looks like next week there are female strippers at a joint bachelobachelorette party. I hope Michael is wearing a protective cup.)
Elizabeth & Undrrrrei: The lackluster apology at the war museum must have had an impact last week, because Elizabeth and Undrrrei were all smiles as they headed to the airport yet again to pick up Mother Elizabeth, her poor unsuspecting surprise husband, and sister Jen.(It’s kind of crazy that this is the first we are hearing about Elizabeth’s parents being divorced, and there’s a stepfather in the picture. Maybe the poor guy didn’t want to be pulled into the 90 Day circus? Well, welcome aboard!) Sister Jen decided she was going to pretend Moldova was France, as she sported her black beret and made a face like she was smelling stinky cheese as soon as she landed (which is actually a possibility). The Family Elizabeth all went back to the AirBNB owned by the heir to the Oscar Meyer corporation, where Undrrrei’s mom had prepared a feast. There was pig fat and festive finger foods; it was truly a tempting shmear. She is bold with her cooking and even more bold with her mixing of patterns for her outfit. Both families from near and far seemed to be getting along well and everyone was on their best behavior. The next morning, Jen and Mother Elizabeth were hating on their first breakfast in Moldy-O, which really seemed to be nothing more than some Folgers, croissants and grapes. Elder Chuck mentioned it was like eating “peasant food”, though in fairy tales, most peasants eat crumbs, not meat jello. Get your facts straight, Chuckles! The Chucks bring the ladies up to speed on the latest Undrrrei drama, and they are appalled. The smartest one of this bunch is the newly introduced Stepfather who chose to stay in bed for this conversation (and hopefully brought a granola bar that he doesn’t intend to share). Next on the agenda, Libby, Jen, their mother, and sister in law Inna all went shopping at a traditional Moldovan dress shop to find an outfit for Libby to wear to her ceremony. I’m not going to lie… I thought the dresses would be made out of cold cuts, but they were actually pretty cute (and would ironically be considered “peasant tops”). While Elizabeth was busy in the fitting room, Jen, Mother Elizabeth and Sister in Law Inna had a chance to gossip about what a jerk Undrrrei is. They had to use a translator app as well as a sales girl to relay their questions and information back and forth. Inna admitted to not being “team Undrrrei”, as she had previously had her own “beef” with Undrrrrei (In Moldova, when you fight, you always refer to it as having “beef”). All of the ladies concluded that they don’t know how Libby can put up with Undrrrei and his “fots”. Of course Elizabeth pops out of the fitting room in her “peasant” attire, pissed off that they are all talking about her husband-to-be-again, and defending her decision to have left with Undrrrei after family fight night. It feels like all of this ridiculousness is just a build up to more anticlimactic drama for next week. And now I’m in the mood for bologna….
Kalani & Asuelu: Kalani put on her game face as she strutted down the pier for the big meet with the two money hungry thugs, aka her Mother and Sister in Law. She tried to explain that she and Asuelu did not have extra money to support his mother, though they do give to her when they can. Of course this wasn’t good enough for Asuelu’s dear old mom, as well as his sister Tammy (who was giving off a little Samoan Rosie Perez vibes), as they accused Kalani of not being “Sam-wan” enough, brainwashing Asuelu, and even tormenting him with her pregnancy. His mother may have also sealed her fate as becoming the most hated mom of the series (surpassing Debbie, Mother Pedro, and even Mother Chantal herself) when she blatantly said that she didn’t care about the kids, she just wants to harvest the American dollar. She even suggested that maybe Asuelu should move back to Sam-wa and work so he could once again give her all of his money. Kalani had finally had enough of the great Samoan Shakedown, so she decided to leave in tears, with Tammy trailing behind, threatening to beat her up. The whole thing seemed extremely scripted, except Kalani seemed genuinely upset. (Also, I may be wrong, but I thought I remembered Asuelu once saying he was one of like 10 children. So is he the top earner of his family??? Shouldn’t his mother have a few other kids she could be shaking down? I mean if they all pitch in like $1 they can get her a bottle of John Frieda Frizz Ease for both her head and mustache..) Back at the house, Kalani fills Asuelu in on the meeting, and how his mother and sister basically only care about money, even more than the kids. Asuelu seems to agree that they are in fact crazy and seems like he is team Kalani all the way….. That is until Kalani mentions that his family are assholes, and that his sister should be glad she didn’t attempt to beat her up, since if Tammy would have touched her body, she would have “dropped her…period”. This is when the conversation veered left, and Asuelu seemed more concerned with who would win in a fight between his wife and sister than the actual moral of the story. She left the room feeling defeated, while Asuelu cursed at her, once again. (If we say Kalani’s father’s name 3 times, do you think he would appear?? We need Low, stat!!) Kalani is feeling hopeless, and confides in her sister Kolini, who advises her to stop wasting her energy on someone who isn’t willing to be supportive, and who is only trying to place bets on her fighting abilities. Poor Kalani… period.
Colt-ee & Debbie & Jess via satellite: Colt-ee was showing us a little thigh action AGAIN this week, just to keep everyone’s gag reflexes in check. Nothing much really happened with these two jigglypuffs, it was more about setting up the scene for next week when Jess arrives in Vegas to visit. It appears that since his Brazilian tour, Colt-ee has been caught lying yet again to Jess and their relationship has been on and off ever since. Jess explains that she needs Colt to stop lying to her, and also to stop calling her his little “boo-buh” (I actually need him to stop doing that. What the hell was that!). He told Jess she could stay at the house in his bedroom, which of course is going to give Debbie major Larissa flashbacks, especially once Jess reacts to Colt-ee’s confession that he’s been talking to other girls in the interim of their 3000 breakups per week. Please, if you or someone you know speaks romantically to Colt-ee, hoping to be his next “Boo-buh”, send me their number. We can get them the help they need. Colt took Debbie on a day date to some place with these amazing ice cream concoctions to discuss the current state of the Colt/Jess relationship. I tried to concentrate on what they were saying, but the ice cream was honestly way more interesting. It seemed like Colt-ee told Debbie that though their relationship has its “ups and downs” he still wants to pursue things with Jess by having her come visit Las Vegas. Debbie is not thrilled, and probably is already planning another bomb to drop for next week. That ice cream though…
Tania & Cinnamon: Synergy’s family all came together for a “braai”, or South African Barbeque. Everyone is enjoying each other’s company (well, not Tania’s company, but everyone else’s), and Syringe brings up wanting to buy property in South Africa. This of course sets Tania off on a tear, mentioning how she doesn’t want to have little Tanios or Taniyettes in South Africa, since she feels there is a lot of racism there and prefers her multicultural upbringing in the sheds of Connecticut. Of course she is saying all of this out loud in front of Synergy’s South African family, in South Africa, shoveling South African food down her gullet… Cinnamon counters her points by mentioning that he’s not even sure if he wants kids, which just about made Tania’s head fall off. She started yelling, crying, saying that Synonym has no direction and it’s unfair to her that he doesn’t have goals. One might bring up the fact that when you meet a barefoot bartender on vacation who isn’t sure he wants to have kids and is torn between the career options of fireman, actor, or opera singer and is cool with living in a shed as long as he can day-drink in a bathrobe, he is not exactly a “5 year plan” type of guy (Unless her goal was to live out the plot to the movie “Cocktails”. In which case, carry on). Tania was so upset with Syngerella that she got up and hobbled off, leaving him to awkwardly apologize to his family for the weird tension. But fear not, she returned a minute later, trying to have the last word and make Cinnabon feel like everything was his fault, but in reality she had just forgotten to take her plate of food with her the first time she left. (Most people eat their feelings AFTER something happens, not during. But you know how Tania likes to do things no one expects…. ) Cinnamon’s family acknowledged that he is a bit of a dreamer and noncommittal, but they also are all in agreement that Tania is waaay too much.His brother was sitting there looking like a shell shocked Kenny G and a pirate just had a baby who had knee surgery, while his sister was now terrified of the idea of marriage altogether. Syncinatti went into the bedroom to find Tania shoveling steak into her mouth hole while she sulked. She copped a major attitude, as she explained that she was the only reason he made it to the U.S. (which was never a goal of his in the first place..especially since he has none), and explained that she has wasted 2 precious years (well, 1 year and a few months… the other months she was in Costa Rica) hoping he would pick a direction. We get it, Tania… you want your kids to have his fabulous hair, you just have to come to terms with the fact that you married the South African version of “the Dude” from “The Big Lebowski”. Synergy finally had enough, and decided to grab his beer and go, but not before the cameras panned to his feet, which were completely black from his “free spirit” way of life, that is also free of wearing shoes. Hopefully the universe will point Cinnabon to one of my suggestions on how to ditch Tania, and then to get a pedicure.
Larissa-ee: I have noticed that production likes to reuse story lines, such as having Larissa and Eric-ee go furniture shopping, just like they already had Larissa couch shopping once before with Debbie (I’ll bet Larissa is really jealous of Colt-ee’s chic-ee “realtree” couch….) I could understand her desire to want to spruce up Eric-ee’s dorm room decor, but they could at least have hit up Ikea, instead of jumping from the free section of Craigslist straight to an $11,000 couch. Larissa used the furniture store as an opening to discuss how “cheap-ee” Eric has been, and how she would like to borrow money for a boob job (and a nose job, tummy tuck etc. But let’s talk boob job-ee first). She claims to be unhappy with her original parts and would like to get a tune up. Eric-ee agrees to loan her the money (plus interest, hopefully at a fixed percentage rate) and she promised he would not regret it. Next we see these two back in their joint living quarters discussing (with many hand motions) the boob-ee situation again. Larissa explains this enhancement will help her build confidence and hopefully entice him to propose, which was a new development. Eric-ee suspected that she could possibly be making all of these adjustments to throw her new life in Colt-ee’s face, though she claims to just want to be an “angus steak” in a world full of ground sirloins (watch out for Tania,she was on a steak bender this entire episode).
Pol & Kreeknee: Missing this week were Pol and Kreeknee who were off chasing each other around somewhere and making awkward Cameos.

Love? Give it six months

Warning: this story will contain mentions of unhealthy relationships and adult themes. The main character also has some character traits that may differs from your own, please do keep that in mind.
Review and comments will be appreciated
(Customisation)
There once was a dashing bachelor
(That looked like )(uses the OH male feces)
Face 1
Face 2
Face 3
Face 4
(Hairstyles)
James Bond (black slick backed)
Don Diego Vega (dark brown wavy hair slicked back long neck)
Steve Rogers (Short blonde side swept hair)
Agent J (Short kinky curls)
Is this him?
Yes
No (go back to customisation)
What is his name?
(Default: George)
(Surname)
(Default: Bishop)
There he meets
A beautiful woman
A handsome man
A beautiful woman
Face 1 (Asian; has pale skin, dark almond eyes, straight black mid-back hair with a mid-part)
Face 2 (Hispanic: has tan skin, deep brown eye and over shoulder-length volumes wavy hair with side bangs.)
Face 3 (Afro-American: dark skin, expressive brown eyes with long blackish brown chest-length kinky curly hair.)
Face 4 (Caucassian: pinkish skin with freckles, clear blue round eyes, collarbone length layered dirty blonde hair)
A handsome man
Face 1 (Asian: pale skin, dark almond eyes, straight black hair put up in a pompadour style)
Face 2 (Hispanic: tan skin, with slicked back wavy hair that always looks like it is coming undone.)
Face 3 (Afro-American: dark skin, expressive brown eyes, with a crewcut with tight natural curls.)
Face 4 (Caucasian: pinkish skin with freckles, clear blue eyes, dirty blonde hair in a Taper haircut.)
As the two peoples eyes lock across the room. The sensation of a pull drives them to get closer to one another.
As the dashing bachelor offered his hand his partner gladly accepted it. Leading into a dance that lasted the rest of the night.
The whole world faded away to the sound of the Jazz band, their breathing and their dancing.
As their lips moved to meet...
???: “Oh come now Joanna, you know that is no way that would ever happen.”
​
(Record Scratch)
Joanna: “Oh for craps sake, George I was getting to the best part.”
George: “Forgive me for finding it uncomfortable that you have decide how my love life is going to go.”
Lance: “He does have a point there sis.”
Joanna: “Way to stand up for your sister Lance.”
Lance “Look I’m all for love conquers and all that jazz but it is kind of difficult to make a love life for someone else.”
George: “Thank you.”
Lance: “I mean he isn’t a completely lost cause. I’m sure some desperate soul will take him.”
Lance: “I mean he’s got dads looks, and he managed to get with mom when they were young.”
Lance: “That might make up for his zero tact.”
George: “Your faith in me is awe inspiring.”
Lance: “Oh cheer up. With your upcoming trip to Vegas, maybe you’ll have luck in love and not just on the poker table.”
Joanna: “Maybe you’ll meet someone special!”
You snort, finding the idea silly.
George: “I wouldn’t bet on it.”
Chapter 1: One night in Vegas
In an underground speakeasy decked out in old decor from the 20th centuries first half. You sit there nursing your drink. After a long day at the office you love nothing more than when you can enjoy your secret fancy. Dressed up in an old-fashioned pinstripe suit and a fedora. You feel like a king, this little piece of haven in Chicago that seemed to be frozen in time.
You feel your friend beside you stir, he himself having to relax from work as well as dreading an upcoming event.
After his fifth sight you opt to actually talk about it.
You take a swing of your drink and decide to talk about the elephant in the room.
Or more accurately you decide to talk about the issue in pre 1940’s slang
George: “Your bear cat of a sister still giving you a hard time?”
Jeremy: “Noneofya.”
He mumbled.
George: “Look Pally, I known you since we were scrubs and had squat. What's eating you?”
Jeremy: “That dame will chisel me out of every dime I own.”
George: “Stephie acting like a Big cheese cause she is getting hitched?”
Jeremy: “She wants everything spiffy and I’m quite sure her ankle biters will be paying the bills. My folks are on my case regarding my dame.”
You think for a moment. Jeremy and Katie had been together for four years. They got one another, they lived together.
George: “Stephie’s lucky her guy thinks she’s the Cat's meow.”
You said reflecting on everything you ever heard regarding Darren, he was a good guy. Definitely not the smartest but he loved Stephanie like she was the only woman alive. You just wondered why anyone would want to spend time with that woman.
Jeremy: “Alright, real talk.”
Jeremy said as he dropped ‘the act’, we were no longer hot shots in the prohibition era. We were now just George Bishop and Jeremy Jackson a financial advisor and a computer wizard.
George: “In all do honesty I do not see why you need to go there? Aren’t bachelorette parties strictly female?”
Jeremy: “They used to be, but I am quite sure I am not going with them to be pampered like the bridesmaids.”
George: “Then your function is?”
Jeremy: “If I were to guess, fall guy and pack mule.”
Jeremy: “I think she is also doing it to brag, that ‘she did it first.’ To rub it in Katie’s face.”
George: “You never really care what your sister does. Why now?”
Jeremy: “Because they are pressuring me and Katie. Not just my family but next to everyone we know. ‘When is the wedding? What is the venue? How many guests? Are you going to have it this year?’ Look I love my girl, but none of us is in rush to walk down the aisle.”
​
Yeah, you know, you were the first one Jeremy told about his plan to propose. You were happy for him but at the end of the day it was up to Katie and Jeremy. Not you or their families. However the rest of the world seemed to think differently.
Mom: “Oh sweetheart, happy valentine’s day! Are you spending it with someone special?”
George: “Mom, you know I am not looking for someone.”
Mom: “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find that certain someone sooner or later.”
​
Yeah, it isn’t enough your sister is married and your brother is utterly twitterpated with his boyfriend. You need to ensure your oldest is also with someone.
​
Boss: “Mr. Bishop, I must say. I am impressed with your work ethics, but we have decided to go with Mr. Robinson as the face of the company.”
Never minding the fact that you worked twice as hard as said college.
George: “I understand. May I ask what made you choose him?”
Boss: “We did research and found that your college would be favourable, due to circumstance.”
​
Translation: we wanted a man that was married and not the workaholic bachelor.
​
​
Stranger 1: “You see that guy over there?”
Stranger 2: “You mean the one with the RBF?”
Stranger 1: “Yeah, probably one of those loners, will never find anyone.”
Stranger 2: “I mean who goes to a restaurant like this alone?”
​
Honestly? You can’t have a meal alone?
​
​
George: “Yeah, I know that feeling.”
Jeremy: “Seriously.”
Both of you take a sigh.
Jeremy: “But in all honesty. Thank you for coming along, I really appreciate it. Would probably loose my mind if I went alone.”
George: “Of course.”

1. It would be a shame to lose my partner in crime.
   
2. My boss would be pissed if I didn’t.
   
3. Who would turn down free drinks?
   

Jeremy: “Yeah sounds about right.” *Choice 1*
George: “Remember how we got back at Marcus Thatcher?” *Choice 1*
Jeremy: “Oh, I remember. Too bad he didn’t check the file we sent, it might have saved him some embarrassment.” *Choice 1*
George: “Big tough football star being fooled by ‘two scrawny’ freshmen.” *Choice 1*
Jeremy: “And we were hailed as heroes for a month.” *Choice 1*
Jeremy: “Wait, don’t tell me HR department has been on your case.” *Choice 2*
Geroge: “Yep, too much overtime.” *Choice 2*
Geroge: “Never mind I make sure that everything is quality controlled.” *Choice 2*
Jeremy: “Geesh. Well glad to know I could be of service.” *Choice 2*
Jeremy: “Ah there it is, I knew you had a hidden agenda. *Choice 3*
George: “Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, when have I ever hid something from you?” *Choice 3*
Jeremy: “Alright fair, you are honest to the point of insult.” *Choice 3*
Geroge: “You asked for my opinion, besides those shoes where ugly as sin.” *Choice 3*
Both of you laugh, you had been in each other’s life since kindergarten. You where the odd ducks, most kids and adults always considered you to be cold or judging. Even if neither of you had that intention.
Jeremy raises his glass.
Jeremy: “To intellectual companions.”
George: “To intellectual friends.”
You said as you raised your own drink in a toast.
​
​
The weekend finally arrived for the trip. You arrived at O’Hare airport with a good three hours to spare. You crack open the book you brought with you.
It was a supernatural detective story you received as a gift on last birthday a few months back. While you applaud your sister for trying, it was still jarring to follow all the supernatural deus-ex-machinas that discarded real detective work.
So that is how a 31 year old was reading a supernatural book in broad daylight.
George: ‘ with gun drawn, Duskraven made her way down the basement, the surroundings smelled of blood and muck.’
Geroge: ‘Romano’s empire was now in full display in front of her. Fae, lined the walls, eyes hollow and only the movement of their chest indicating they were still alive.’
George: ‘Duskraven took out her polaroid camera, it was a risky but if this would ever have a chance to justice. Her leads and information would need to be solid if she wanted to take down the vampire cartel. She just hoped the light for the camera would be noticed.’
George: ‘With a blinding light the entire basement lit up temporarily blinding her, when she regained her sight again a new horror met her eyes. Multiple pairs of hungry red eyes.’
Jeremy: “George!”
You tear your eyes away from the book in your hand.
There is Jeremy and Katie, hand in hand. Seeing them together was always a happy occasion.
Katie and Jeremy met at your favourite speakeasy a few years back. You didn’t blame your friend for becoming interested in the ICU nurse. Curly red hair and big blue eyes. Even if the courtship had started out rocky due to both of them being so shy. They overcame that hurdle and found something they wanted.
Sometimes however you wished you didn’t feel like you were interrupting them.
George: “Good morning, is Stephanie and her friends also here?”
Katie: “No they had a sleep over at Daria’s house. So they will be carpooling.”
You look at your clock and it was about two hours before the plane would take off, your bags where checked in and you were ready to leave and get to the section where the gates would be. But there was still no sign of Stephanie.
As you though you heard a rumbling sound.
Both you and Katie looked at Jeremy as a sheepish grim grew on his face.
Katie: “Told you, a ham sandwich wouldn’t hold.”
Jeremy: “It will hold till lunch, which is a few hours away.”
George: “You sure that is a good idea?”
Jeremy: “Tell you what, I’ll go if you come with me and Katie.”
Katie: “So what do you say?”
McDermott's
· Sure, I could have a bite. (💎12)
· Perhaps we shouldn’t
Diamond Choice:
George: “Alright, let us have something to eat.”
Jeremy: “Good! Airplane food leaves much to be desired.”
Katie: “You always think with your stomach.”
Jeremy: “Yet you love me.”
Katie: “Yes, odd isn’t it?”
You make your way inside and stay in line.
You look at the menu and order
· Breakfast burrito
· Bacon and scrambled eggs
· Fruit and oatmeal
You order your food along with a big coffee. You all slide into the booth, Katie had her yogurt in hand both of you looked worryingly at Jeremy’s breakfast.
(Tilting tower of pancakes)
(Holy crap!)
You swore for a moment both you and Katie was reading each other’s mind.
‘He is going to puke.’
George: “Hey Jeremy, think you can get some napkins?”
Jeremy: “Sure.”
As he left you plied a few pancakes away, making sure that you saved the top one so he wouldn’t notice. Katie making sure the tower didn’t fall.
She gave a thumbs up, thanking you.
George: “So Katie, how have you been?”
Katie: “There is always a lot of things to do at the ICU, sometime I wonder where humanity is headed.”
George: “Really, that bad?”
Katie: “How would you explain having a locomotive lodge up your rectum?”
George: “How did that happened?”
Katie: “They claim they fell on it, if I had a dollar every time this happened I wouldn’t have any student debts.”
You shake your head, you have been thinking a bit about what Jeremy said at the Speakeasy. You had also noticed that something was up with Katie, she was on edge.
George: “Katie…”
1. “Did you want to go on this trip?”
2. “Has Mr and Mrs Jackson been pressuring you?”
3. “Do you want to get married?”
Katie: “In all honesty no, but Stephanie has made me a bridesmaid. I need to partake in these things. Even if I wish I didn’t.” *Choice 1\*
George: “Why?” *Choice 1\*
Katie: “I wish I could care as little about protocol as you do, but she is Jeremy’s sister, if I say no it might affect my relationship with Jeremy and his family.” *Choice 1\*
Katie: “Yes, I mean no, I mean… it’s complicated.” *Choice 2\*
George: “How come?” *Choice 2\*
Katie: “I’m 30 years old George, time is ticking. They want grandchildren to spoil.” *Choice 2\*
George: “And you have to be married to do that?” *Choice 2\*
Katie: “Of course I love Jeremy.” *Choice 3\*
George: “That wasn’t the question, do you want to get married?” *Choice 3\*
Katie: “It is just so big, all those expectations. I… it scares the crap out of me.” *Choice 3\*
George: “Listen, I will tell you something.”
You said using your stern voice.
George: “Jeremy loves you, he chose you. You chose him. That is the truth at the end of the day.”
Katie looked at you, a shy smile graced her lips. She mouthed a thank you.
Jeremy made his way back to you with a great pile of napkins. You all begin to take part of the meal. During the entire meal Katie and Jeremy’s shoulders touched and they looked as content as they could be.
(‘Loving it’ you had breakfast at McDermott)
None diamond choice:
George: “Let us just sit down and relax, we should be in Las Vegas at 1 am. Knowing Stephanie we will probably eat something there before heading to the hotel.”
Katie: “Maybe, I’ll get some water at least.”
Jeremy: “Good idea.”
(‘Not hungry’ you didn’t have a McDermott breakfast)
As all of you wait for the supposed ‘bride’ you hear commotion.
Sure enough you see a brunette with a close to permanent scowl on her face. Followed but two very flustered women.
“There you are! WHERE have you been?!”
Her tone is as pleasant as you remember, nails on a chalkboard.
Jeremy: “We have been here waiting for you.”
Stephanie: “You aren’t even going to help me with my bags. What type of brother are you?”
Jeremy: “Well we are here, we have about half an hour before the plane leaves. So let’s get to the gate.”
Stephanie just huffed. Storming away.
George: “Wow she is in a good mood.”
You state sarcastically.
Jeremy: “Yeah she gets like that some time.”
Jeremy: “Just try not to set her of, she can be a handful.”
Katie: “I mean how bad could it possibly be?”
You were never the very superstitious type, but you were quite sure that Katie just opened Pandora’s Box.
​
​
From the time the plane touched ground in Nevada everything that could set of Stephanie did.
Stephanie: “URRGH!!! where is that shuttle! He is LATE!!”
Jeremy: “They told us like five minutes ago there is traffic jam.”
Stephanie: “Then he should have planned it earlier!”
Stephanie: “I will not wait an hour! WE have a schedule to follow!”
George:’ This coming from the woman that almost missed the plane to her own bachelorette party.’
Daria: “They say it is only another 15 minutes.”
​
​
Stephanie: “I DON’T CAREEEEE!”
Stephanie: “What do you mean that our suits where not booked?”
Receptionist: “You never sent in the deposit for your stay.”
Stephanie: “THAT WAS GEMMA’S JOB!”
Gemma: “I told you, the suits needed to be paid for by the same person that booked them.”
​
​
Stephanie: “You are a bridesmaid, you are supposed to make things work!”
George: ‘Honetly…’
George: “Sigh…”
Stephanie: “THIS ISN’T WHAT I ORDERED!”
Waitress: “Yes it is, you wanted a calamari.”
The poor waitress looked exhausted and probably wanted to be anywhere but here, not that one could blame her.
Stephanie: “NO IT ISN’T! I wanted the pasta with bacon and cheese.”
Katie: “A cabonara?”
Jeremy: “Stephie we are at a seafood restaurant.”
​
​
George: ‘IS she ever satisfied?’
All of us where back at the hotel, Stephanie insisting that they ‘needed’ a new set of clothes for the casino and club they were planning on hitting. Jeremy looked ready to just give up.
George: “You know, you could simply say no to her.”
Jeremy threw an exhausted glair at me.
Jeremy: “If it was so simple neither me, you nor Katie would be here right now.”
George: “And you wouldn’t be here doing this Sisyphean task, which obviously brings you missery.”
Jeremy: “Yeah well, I still want my parents in my life, if I didn’t do this, they would never let me live it down.”
What to wear to the casino?
· Tuxedo 007 (💎 15)
· Basic black
Diamond option:
Jeremy: “You look like James Bond.”
George: “I’ll have a martini, shaken not stirred.”
You said and an amused smile spread across Jeremy’s face.
None diamond choice
“I Think I’ll stick with this.”
“Fair enough, I am too exhausted to care anyway.”
​
​
​
Jeremy said with a tired smile. You both left the room, making our way to one of the pulsing centres of the strip.
There in the golden casinos you thought finally your luck would finally turn for the better. That the glamorous atmosphere would rub off on the soon-to-be bride. Causing her to stop doing her impression of a screeching barn owl and let ALL of them enjoy Sin City.
Well it seemed to have worked, for now.
Both you and Jeremy where at the black jack tables, enjoying yourself. While the ladies were back at the slots machines.
Jeremy folded a while ago, it is just you and one more. You looked down at your cards a jack and an ace. You opponent opposite you had this confident smirk on his face. But you saw how the sweat was running down his face. He was bluffing.
George: “Hum…”

1. Act as if you have a bad hand
   
2. Act arrogant and self-assured
   
3. Do not react at all and watch the man squirm
   

You decide to let your brows furrow in what would look like frustration. The man opposite you lets the edge of his mouth turn in a smirk. His confidence boosting with every minute. *Choice 1*
You decide to put on the theatrics, giving a smile like the cat that ate the canary you look at your opponent. That is growing more and more agitated by the minute. *Choice 2*
You keep your face natural, a lot of people often comment that you look angry whenever they see you. You could only assume it was true because your opponent was practically squirming in his seat. *Choice 3*
When he reviles his hand, you pause for a moment before reviling yours.
You won.
George: “I’ll be taking these.”
You said as you dragged them back chips and split them evenly between you and Jeremy. You had started with the same amount of tokens. Even if you did work with money daily, this was one of those occasions you allowed yourself to be a bit more relaxed regarding that subject.
Jeremy: “Nice one.”
George: “All in a day’s work.”
Jeremy: “So what next?”
Before you could answer you hear commotion from the opposite side of the casino. The screeching voice meant that Stephanie was somewhere in the middle of it. Both of you sigh, knowing that your happy hour was over.
Sure enough there at the era leading into one of the shows where Stephanie and her entourage, all of them except Stephanie wearing baby pink dresses and Stephanie herself wearing a sash reading ‘all hail the bride’ along with a tacky tiara probably worth a five dollar bill at most.
She was screaming at a bouncer, while all the others tried in vain to calm the soon-to-be bride.
Stephanie: “You are an idiot! What service is this!?”
When we had arrived there was already an audience forming. Yeah this was common whenever Stephanie was involved. ‘Drama Queen’ had been your nickname for her during high school for a reason.
Jeremy: “What happened?”
Bouncer: “Your friend here slapped one of your dancers, something about them stealing from them.”
Stephanie: “I am the BRIDE! I am not supposed to have to pay for anything during my bachelorette party.”
Jeremy: “Stephanie, what about we get some fresh air, okay?”
Jeremy said as he tried to deescalate the situation. He gently grabbed her arm, but Stephanie was having none of it.
It felt like it all happened in slow motion, Stephanie turned around and a closed fist and rage connected it with Jeremy’s face. Your friend flew back and hit his head on the floor pretty hard. Stephanie didn’t even care to check what state her brother was in. Katie flew to her fiancés side and the sight of your friend’s bleeding face was enough to make you see red.
George: “Alright enough.”

1. Scold her
   
2. Embarrass her
   
3. Give her the evil eye
   

George: “Stephanie, you are way out of line.” *Choice 1*
Stephanie: “No I am not!” *Choice 1*
George: “You have taken no responsibility during this trip, you have been rude to every member of the party, you have caused a scene at every place we have been to. Do I need to keep going?” *Choice 1*
Your voice is like ice, you swear the temperature just dropped a few degrees. As you pointed out everything she has done during the less than 24 hours you been together. *Choice 1*
Stephanie looks angrily at her bridesmaids as is she is waiting for them to defend her. *Choice 1*
They do not, they know you are just stating the truth. *Choice 1*
George: “Your own brother did not want to be on this trip, he begged me to come along. Doesn’t that tell you just how vile you have been acting?” *Choice 1*
Stephanie: “You listen here…”*Choice 1*
George: “No you listen for once in your life!” *Choice 1*
You rarely let your emotions out but Stephanie was a special case. *Choice 1*
George: “If this is how you treat people, do not be surprised when Darren leaves you at the altar. He deserve better than this.” *Choice 1*
With that as a closing line you left, Jeremy might need to get to the hospital. He was worth more than Stephanie would ever be in your eyes. *Choice 1*
As you leave you are quite sure you hear someone applauding. *Choice 1*
With determined steps you made your way to one of the waitresses. *Choice 2*
George: “Excuse me.” *Choice 2*
You hand her a 50 dollar bill as you grab a big jug glass filled with beer and briskly walk back to Stephanie that is still screaming profanities. Because of her back being turned to you she didn’t see you. You saw how people began to take out their cameras and phones. No one made a move to stop you. *Choice 2*
With one quick movement you had poured it over her and a shriek of surprise entered your ears. *Choice 2*
Stephanie: “What the fuck is wrong with you!?” *Choice 2*
George: “Are you done with your little temper tantrum?” *Choice 2*
Stephanie: “What!? How dare you!” *Choice 2*
George: “You have been acting like a spoiled five year old since the moment we landed. I am surprised no one has done anything until now.” *Choice 2*
Stephanie: “You are so not coming to my wedding!” *Choice 2*
George: “It isn’t a loss, I was never here for you. Now excuse me I have more important things to deal with.” *Choice 2*
You left Stephanie to deal with the people that had gathered for the ‘show’ and she began to scream at them and calling them all sorts of names. But no one was intimidated, they found it hilarious. *Choice 2*
You grab hold of Stephanie, until she has no choice but to look at you. She is screeching, calling you every slur and bad name in the book. Your hands are firm on her upper arm, you just hold no squeezing, no pushing. You keep your eyes locked on her, you must have stood there quite a while until finally her defiant stare became weaker and weaker. *Choice 3*
You kept hold of her until she burst out into tears. At that point you let her go. Knowing you had knocked her down a peg. *Choice 3*
​
But Stephanie wasn’t your main concern, Jeremy was. You moved to stay with Katie and Jeremy, the crowd parted as the red sea as you walked by. All in stunned silence. *Choice 3*
​
​
George: “Are you sure you’ll be alright?”
Jeremy grimaced at the questing, blood still trickling down his face from where he had been punched. Luckily the nose would heal, the only question was what colour it would be in time for Stephanie’s wedding.
Jeremy: “I’ll be fine, Katie is here too. She knows what she is doing.”
Katie: “Having your fiancé being a nurse does have its perks huh?”
Jeremy: “Yeah one of many.”
The two of them smile at one another, before Jeremy turn back to you.
Jeremy: “Think you can manage your own?”
George: “I think I can stay out of trouble for one night.”
Jeremy: “Maybe, see you tomorrow George.”
Katie: “Have a nice night.”
With that the two of them made their way up to the hotel rooms.
You decided to check out the hotel bar. Despite being 10 o’clock it was surprisingly empty. Some people where there, some having already had a few to many.
But what caught your eye was a stranger sitting at the end of the bar.
There sitting in a knee-length ocean blue dress was a woman, leaning over resting her elbows at the counter. She had a faraway look in her face as she absentmindedly stirred her drink. *♀*
There sitting a young man, nursing his drink. His blue vest and slacks combo suited him well with the crisp white shirt. His attention seeming being elsewhere. *♂*
You sit down by the bar and is about to call on the bartender when I noticed a man, clearly intoxicated made a move on the man/woman at the end of the bar.
Drunk Idiot: “Hello there, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”
The person in question just rolled hehis eyes. Clearly not in the mood to be the object of drunk admiration.
Drunk Idiot: “How about you and me go up to my hotel room and get to know each other a bit more.”
Haven seen the man/woman in question do every none-verbal que but slapping the idiot you decide enough was enough. He had disturbed you and the rest of the bar enough.
With the smoothest and coolest tone of voice you could muster you cleared your throat to get the drunk man’s attention. It wasn’t appreciated to say the least.
Drunk idiot: “What the hell do you want prick.”
The smell of alcohol radiating off him, one would think he had bathed in vodka. It was surprising no one had tossed him out from being a nuisance earlier.
George: “I do believe that you are bothering him/her. Please stop.”
George: “Look we are old friends, its noneofya business so bug off.”
George: “Oh really, then what is your friends name?”
Drunk Idiot: ”What?”
George: “What. Is. your. friend’s. name? If you are old friends you should surely know it.”
Drunk Idiot: “It’s ummm… Terry.”
???: “That is not even close.”
With both of you staring straight into him, mentally cornering him.
Drunk idiot: ”Screw this.”
The man declared in frustration and with that the idiot stormed off leaving both of you alone.
After making sure the guy was out of sight you turned back to the stranger.
He/She gave you a grateful smile.
???: “Thanks’ I really appreciate that?”
George: “It was nothing.”
You said making yourself ready to go back to your seat.
???: “Wait!”
The stranger called after you, out of sheer politeness you turned back around.
He/she Seemed a bit nervous, what now?
???: “Can I at least buy you a drink?”
You thought for a moment. You were on your own, Jeremy was probably nursing the bruise with some painkillers and you did not want to risk running into Stephanie or any of the bridesmaids. It also felt wrong to not take the opportunity to experience Vegas however.
So you accepted.
???: “Well What’s your poison?”
He/she asked in a joyous tone.

1. Matrini
   
2. Old Fashioned
   
3. Red Wine
   

With a quick wave they called the bartender over.
???: “So what brings you to Vegas?”
George: “Bachelorette party.”
???: “Did it have anything to do with that brunette that slapped one of the dancers and had security physically lift her out?”
George: “Bingo.”
???: “No one got seriously hurt?”
George: “Thankfully no.”
With that the bartender served the drink and the stranger slipped a 50 dollar bill.
You lift the glass in a gesture for a thank you. And let the beverage slip down your throat. It was nice, it was a good year and the taste was strong but not overpowering.
You noticed that his/her eyes were on you, almost as if they were trying to decipher your character.
George: “What are you doing?”
???: “Trying to get a read on you, some say what you order is often an indication of who you are.”
George: “Really? Then what can you say about me?”
You asked, deciding to humour them.
???: “I can say that that you are a man that know what he wants and how you want them.” *Martini*
???: “You are an old soul, you probably know your liquor well. My guess you have a great library at home.” *Old fashioned*
???: “You are quite classy, and you can find a way to get drunk before noon.” *Red wine*
With that you give an amused chuckle.
George: “Well there is some truth to that statement.”
You take a look at the drink they self are nursing.
(Dark n Stormy)
(Humm...)
George: “If I were to do the same to you, I guess you have a sweet tooth and might have wanted to be a pirate at some point.”
At that comment the stranger began to laugh. It was the infectious kind of laugh that made someone warm form the bottom of their stomach.
???: “Alright you got me there.”
He/she then stuck out their hand.
(My name is..)
(Default name: Skyler)
George: “‘Skyler’ it is a pleasure to meet you.”
You said as you shook it.
You take in Skyler’s look. You had to admit that they were an attractive specimen of a man/woman.
George: “The name is George Bishop.”
Skyler: “George Bishop, how professional sounding.”
He/ she said as if they were tasting your name in their mouth.
George: “Well I do hope so, would be difficult to be an advisor if people believed I was a joker.”
Skyler: “Ah, so you are one of those people that look at you and stamp ‘rejected’ on every paper?”
George: “I believe that I am fair in my judgement.”
George: “How about yourself?”
At that their eyes fell.
Skyler: “Right now, I’m a 30 year old trying to figure out my next move.”
George: “How come?”
Skyler: “Lost my job due to relationship issues between my manager and her boyfriend. Apparently, me being friendly was mistaken for flirting.”
Skyler: “What, they want a grumpy Greeter at the door?”
George: “That is unprofessional.”
Skyler: “Yeah, well relationships are messy.”
George: “Agreed.”
Skyler: “I must say the way you handled that woman, it was surprising.”
Skyler said in a genuinely impressed voice.
George: “You were watching?”
Skyler: “Kind of hard not to, I’m surprised half the hotel didn’t hear her.”
George: “Someone had to show her she isn’t the Queen of Sheba.”
Skyler: “What are your thought on marriage?”
You shoot up a bit, a bit startled by the blunt question.
George: “My thoughts?”
Skyler: “You seem like a guy that know what he thinks. I want to pick that brain a bit.”
It had been a while since someone had so blatantly flirted with you. To be fair you were a bit surprised. Dating had often been a minefield for you.
George: “Marrige…”

1. It’s an institution
   
2. It’s a partnership
   
3. It’s indescribable
   

George: “Historically it was a way to ensure land, money and heirlooms where added into a new household.” *Choice 1*
George: “It was also a safety for children back in the day, since basterds often faced quite a few challenges from being born out of wedlock.” *Choice 1*
George: “It is a symbol of trust, that you do have someone that you can count on.” *Choice 2*
George: “But at the end of the day, if you are unfair to that partner hey might not stay.” *Choice 2*
George: “To describe marriage is like trying to describe oceans and water. Even with similarities we can see, gathering it all in an explanation would probably not give a fair judgement.” *Choice 3*
Skyler: “To me it’s a promise. ‘To have and to hold’ it is silly in this day and age were people divorce left and right for trivial things.”
Skylers eyes became dark, falling into deep thoughts. You had never been the poetic kind, but there was a sweet sentiment in Skyler’s view on things. Your parents where still married over 30 years now. Your sister was due some time in December, your brother was off celebrating a two year dating anniversary and your paternal grandmother still loved her deceased husband dearly.
To you it just never happened, perhaps it wasn’t for you.
George: “That we can agree on, people are so afraid they will settle. At the first sign of trouble they leave.”
Skyler: “So that woman form before… how long do you think her marriage will last?”
George: “If she acts like she did tonight, I wonder if her husband will even stay for the ceremony.”
You looked at your new companion and in an unusual turn of events you called the bartender over.
George: “Can I buy you a drink?”
​
​
With that Skyler smiled, deciding to keep you company.
Sometime later you awake to the sound of your alarm clock.
You feel a splitting headache, you drag you hand over your face as you do you feel a cold metal band around your finger. Pulling back as your eyes focus you see that it is a plain sliver coloured band.
(is that?)
· Oh no…
Feeling more sober than ever before you realised just what a mess you got yourself into.
George: ‘I just got married in Vegas.’
Well, you’re screwed.

Hi guys, gals and nonbinary pals! I know you're all looking for tales of drama and outrage, so here I am. This one goes places that even I didn't expect it to go, so strap in. It is LONG, but needs to be because of the background involved. Here we go!
I met my awesome husband through a group of our mutual friends. We were both dressed up at the time: I was a zombie nurse, he was the very Devil: no, really, he was dressed as Satan. Our mutual friend, Bonnie, was ecstatic that we had finally both got to meet. The year before, 2013, we'd attempted this meet up, only to be thwarted by the organisers of the event we all enjoyed royally messing times up. In 2014, we finally had a good time at the Halloween-themed event and I even stayed at Bonnie's house!
This was a big deal for me because I was trying to recover from an abusive relationship, a fracture in my spine, a phobia of strange men and trying to battle with my out of control PTSD. I was thrilled that Bonnie had taken me under her wing. She was cool, older than me with a lovely family, and was due to get married soon. I was thrilled for her.
Bonnie, my future husband and I all got along like a house on fire that year. Future husband didn't live in the UK, where I did, and was heading back to his country in Europe soon. Goodbyes were said, and he promised to come back next year for Bonnie's wedding.
2015 rolled around, and future husband (henceforth abbreviated to FH) came back to the UK. I'd become very close friends to both Bonnie and FH, and was thrilled to be invited to Bonnie's awesome wedding reception. She and her husband had a Halloween wedding. They were massive horror fans, so they had decided when they'd got engaged that they'd have a wedding on the actual day of Halloween, just to make it that more special. FH was at their wedding, looking fly as hell in a suit from what I saw in the pictures. In the evening, I glammed up in costume in homage to Tia Dalma (Pirates of the Caribbean), and off I went. FH was the Punisher, but a clever twist of his own invention: Black Lantern Punisher. We were utterly smitten with each other, and barely stopped talking all night. We have awesome stories of that night, fun times we spent with Bonnie and Clyde, her husband, and the hijinks that happened that night. I had the absolute best time and was sorry to go.
Things being how they were, FH and I eventually smelled the bacon and got together, which thrilled Bonnie and Clyde. Her daughter had spotted our closeness and called the relationship to her mum the evening of the wedding! Clever girl.
Time passed, we had lots of fun as a couple, saw a fair amount of Bonnie and Clyde, and then FH proposed in the most romantic way in 2016, in Las Vegas. Good lord, I was so stoked to be asked. He was everything I'd ever wanted in a partner, and I was so excited to tell Bonnie and all my other friends back home.
Of course, Bonnie was as excited as I was! FH had been her best friend for years at this point, and he cared so much for her that he asked both her and Clyde to be his best people. They accepted with alacrity, and they were enthusiastic and happy at FH and I's engagement party.
Time kept rolling on, and FH and I started planning our wedding. We planned for it to be in September 2017, which didn't leave us loads of time, but we're good at planning and we managed to get a lot done. We were awfully lucky and very grateful to my parents, who helped a LOT. We were able to secure a beautiful Tudor hall where various family members, including my parents, had got married. We got even luckier and managed to get my mum's dance studio for the meal and evening do, which meant that we had a lot of DIY stuff to do. During this time, I was busily chatting to Bonnie about all of this, and she was so helpful. She was kind to me and very excited, bolstering my mood when I flagged. In fact, her daughter was one of my bridesmaids, and I was so excited to take her bridesmaid shopping!
The one thing I would like to mention here is that during the time FH and I knew Bonnie, she would pick social media fights. She'd have a problem, post about it, and get many sympathetic reactions: ours included. There would be a lot of drama and it would result, fairly frequently, in someone being unceremoniously cut from her life and blacklisted. Sometimes, this was more than warranted. Other times, I was a little hesitant, but she was our good friend. I had no reason not to think that her issues were anything other than unfortunate.
The wedding was going to be themed. FH and I are horror fans too, and we like symbolism and hidden meanings. We chose to go with the Addams Family as our evening theme. For the ceremony, we wanted it to be similar, but a bit toned down. We opted for the art motif Death and the Maiden, because of the idea of leaving our old lives behind and walking into the unknown together. We'd been up front about our theme from day one of sending the invitations for our little engagement party, and my engagement ring even has little skull hands holding the stone up. What I'm saying is, if there had been an issue, there were plenty of times to have said so.
Eventually, people started to ask what to wear to such an unusual wedding. I wrote people lots of messages, helping them pick outfits when they messaged me, I provided lots of pictures for inspiration, I spent a long while helping my mum not freak out over her MOB outfit... I also stressed that if people didn't have something that fitted the theme, I didn't mind. I wanted my friends and family to feel happy and comfortable.
FH and I had a Skype chat with Bonnie and Clyde shortly after I had got RSVPs to the wedding. They were down to come, and Bonnie's daughter was down to be a bridesmaid, for certain. We wanted to go over some stuff with them and make sure they knew our schedule for the day, and see if we needed to offer transport or anything to them. They were also asking what to wear, and FH and I gave them a run down of what might look cool.
Bear in mind that Bonnie and Clyde, like FH and I, are alternative dressers, and Bonnie's wedding dress had been no exception. It was a gorgeous affair, a pretty light gold/dark ivory colour, with a badass corset that came with. Think very steampunk, and you have the general idea. The thing about this dress that you have to know is that it doesn't look like a wedding dress, which is exactly what she'd wanted. I suggested to Bonnie that it might be super awesome if she wanted to wear it again, as I had heard her saying that she would love to wear it at some point in the future, but didn't really know what to wear it to. Clyde was supportive: "Ooh, hey Bonnie, you'd get to wear it again! That's awesome!" I also made sure to stress that she didn't have to if she didn't want to or felt it wasn't appropriate, and I wanted her to feel comfortable.
She seemed a bit confused as she said yes, she wanted to wear it, but I didn't really think too much of it. I wanted her to feel special, as I knew she adored the dress, and I was hoping to make her feel that way with a dress I knew had lots of special memories attached to it. They were also still struggling financially, and I didn't want her forking out for another expensive dress when she had something so beautiful in her wardrobe.
The wedding was drawing close, and FH and I were up to our ears in planning and DIY. We visited the UK (we'd got a house and moved in by then in FH's country), and spent a lovely afternoon with Bonnie's daughter. Bonnie had said that her kid was a little sensitive about wearing dresses, so she was after a steampunk-style suit. FH and I obliged and found her one, and I was going to make her a cool decoration for the suit. We were going to find her a pretty blouse that would match the other bridesmaids, and everything seemed normal.
Oh, what a shock I was in for.
Here's the part you drama llamas are after: what happened with the bridezilla, I hear you cry?! Patience. Here it comes!
So Bonnie had made a big deal out of her wedding being something chill and small ish, something for her nearest and dearest to attend. She and her husband had been short on money, so they'd gone for a registry office ceremony, followed by a wedding reception in a pub she worked at. That's all fine, but she'd also gone on and on about how she'd been let down by the pub, how one of her bridesmaids was a bitch, how her hen do (bachelorette party) had been ruined, how the person making her cake (as a gift) had done something selfish... There was DRAMA. A lot of it. At the end of the day, it seemed like she'd wanted more but due to various financial constraints and people being difficult, a fair amount hadn't gone right.
Communication between Bonnie and I suddenly dropped off after the suit buying. I started to feel uneasy, after having messaged her about a couple of important scheduling things and I had absolutely no reply. She'd even stopped replying to FH, and I started to feel like something wasn't right. In fact, I was going to send her a message asking if everything was ok, when I scrolled down a social media feed and found her, ranting.
"UGH some PEOPLE! RANT TIME! I am not going to wear MY WEDDING DRESS, something that's PRECIOUS AND SPECIAL to me, to your little event because you want me to! I don't want to wear it again, it's MY wedding dress from MY big day, and I'm not re-using it for some other event!"
That struck a cold chord in me. That sounded oddly specific to me, so I quickly fired off a message apologising for ever having suggested she wear the dress in the first place. I also mentioned that I wanted to work it out with her and that I was awfully sorry for any offence caused.
I saw several comments from her friends already on the status, and the ice inside just grew. I waited all day, and told FH about it when he got home. He messaged her too, and got no reply... So we waited.
We waited all weekend for a reply, the ice growing steadily into icebergs in my stomach, and on Monday evening, FH realised that she had defriended him. She'd blocked me flat out.
Guys, I bawled. I am a sensitive soul, and this hit me to the core. I blamed myself for being insensitive, I had a proper panic attack, and I apologised heartily to FH for losing him a good friend. I felt horrendous. He was furious that she'd not even talked to us about it, but had a big old rant on social media, then defriended the both of us without even a by your leave. She'd manipulated the story, once again, to suit her, without letting us have a say. It felt horrible to be on the other end of one of her legendary rants, and suddenly, we realised that this might have been the case before.
As it happened, that left me and FH with a fair amount of work to do. We had to reorganise our wedding party and tables, find a new best person (she was awesome, btw), get over the fact that two good friends had betrayed us and figure out if we were going to lose money at all. Luckily, we managed to fill the spots left by her and her family, and didn't lose money.
The thing that really got me is that this forty year old woman had decided to have such a big tantrum, to not talk it out with her two close friends, and to stop her very excited daughter from being a bridesmaid... All because I had the gall to suggest that she wear her wedding dress to my wedding. It wasn't a command, I had stated if she felt uncomfortable with it that she could wear whatever she felt like, but she decided to let it fester up until six weeks before the wedding, then drop us in it.
After asking various friends of mine if I'd been a bridezilla about this, I was reassured that I was definitely not, and SHE was. Why throw a tantrum like that when it's something that could be rationally discussed between us, like adults? Nope, she had to create drama and make a scene.
The joke's on her though: FH and I had the loveliest wedding, our bridesmaids were awesome, lots of people told us that they had a blast and we still get people telling us what an awesome time they had. I've told this story to various other people and they've agreed that her behaviour was pretty bad. The other thing that has been suggested to me is that Bonnie was jealous of our wedding and that she wanted the wedding that we had. Someone else said that she probably wanted a new school uniform for her daughter, so made her get a suit from me instead of a dress. I don't know if that's true, but if it is... Shame on you, Bonnie. That poor kid did not deserve to be your flying monkey.
So, what do you think? Was I out of line... Or was Bonnie?
EDIT: Thank you all so much for replying and for being so kind. If you want to see wedding photos, they're on my profile, as I don't have an Imgur account. You all rock.

Three years ago, I was in a class of highly respected magicians — every sleight of the hand, a trick of the lightning I have seen and replicated. I once even won a large sum of money on one of those television programs as a runner up.
I had a gig for 20 years, where I worked in a small venue in Las Vegas on Tuesday nights, and I made a decent income doing bachelorette parties during the rest of the time.
I finally retired shortly after my 56th birthday because no one wants to watch an old man try to crawl out of a locked barrel. It was firmly set in stone when I tripped over one of the bars we used in the former I can make you levitate routine.
So I retired and decided to get a non-entertaining gig, RV sales, which often required a different sleight of hand.
I was discussing what could be a perfect sale for a used RV when a young man interrupted my conversation. He was lanky and had shaggy light brown hair he was annoying on first glance as he stood there he smoked a cigarette blowing smoke in my direction all the while holding a cellular up to his ear.
“Hey you’re that guy from The Blue Room ain’t ya?” He asked snapping a photo of me with his cellphone. “Oh man, I got great news! Talk soon!” He said into his phone and quickly tossing it into his pocket.
I had been recognized before, and usually, I’d just pull out my deck of cards, do a quick trick, they’d have a good laugh and move on.
So I said excuse me to the gentleman I was trying sell the flashy RV with all the bells and whistles too and asked the customer if he could be so kind as to wait while I finished with this gentleman. Nodding, he kept his eyes on me intensely as he watched me from behind the sign next to our business.
I finished the sale, which only took me thirty-five minutes, as the customer paid in cash, and then I watched the customer drive off in his new RV. I turned back, and there was the guy still waiting for me.
I laughed and pulled out my deck of cards while I twiddled my white mustache.
“Pick a card young man.”
He just stared at me, and instead of picking a card, he looked right at me intensely.
“I have other tricks up my sleeve.” I joked.
“He’s perfect.” The young man said to no one.
“It’s about my lunchtime,” I said mildly annoyed by this brief interaction. “Here’s my business card come back if you are interested in buying an RV.”
I was getting tired, and my stomach growled. I began walking away when Dan put his arm out in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.
“You like it here? I know a way you could make a huge sum of money! Better than what you make in sales here!”
“Look, I’m about to go to lunch maybe come by another day,” I said, trying to blow him off.
“Let me introduce myself. I’m Dan Carter, and I remember seeing your act a few years ago. Where are you going for lunch? It’s on me, just let me have 30 minutes of your time.”
I was too hungry to care if this guy bought me lunch. If he wanted to spend money on a stranger who was I to stop him? Luckily, the RV dealership was next to a 24-hour diner, and so we met there taking a booth by the front of the crowded restaurant.
A waitress came right over and took our orders, and then it was time to interact with this oddball.
“You are a magician by trade. The great Eddie Cavalier!”
“Was. I’m now retired.”
“That’s fine, but my boss is always on the lookout for new talent. We are in the business of some of the greatest showman you will ever meet. I’ve already consulted my boss, and he likes your portfolio of work. He remembered seeing you at The Blue Door. Your phantom act was particularly of interest to him. What luck finding you today!”
“Look, I’m sure your boss is a great guy, and I’m sure he pays as good as the next venue, but I’m retired from the entertainment industry.”
“Well, we aren’t in the entertainment industry. We are paid, paranormal investigators. The only difference is we create illusions for our customers to get out of certain types of contracts.”
I looked at this young man squinting in confusion. “I don’t think I understand, Dan.”
“Well, it’s pretty simple. We have clients that pay us for what we can do with ghosts, landlords mostly. I can tell by the look on your face you are still confused. Let me start from the beginning.”
I listened to him as he explained to me how it worked - here was the basic breakdown; when landlords couldn’t get rid of squatters in buildings or non-paying tenants, they were called as a bit of a last resort — most of their customers finding them through word of mouth. Even with the typical 30-day evictions, the tenants lingered or would trash the homes and apartments as a form of retaliation. Scaring them into disappearing on their own was the best, or so Dan said. I tried to keep my face from showing how amused I was listening to this insane proposition. Living in Vegas had taught me that nothing was too crazy.
“How do you do it? I mean, how is it the tenants don’t know you’re there?” I sipped on my coffee, listening intensely.
“We get keys from the landlords and hide in areas of the homes often setting our equipment up when they were at work. Sometimes we hide in basements or attics. When 3 am rolls around, the witching hour, as they say, that’s when our show begins. Once we laid in wait for hours until a husband and wife had fallen asleep with rats running across our feet while we were hidden the attic of an old apartment building.”
I listened and just as I was about to thank him for lunch, (he paid) when he said something strange.
“We make a lot of money. We charge by the job, and the last one made us over 100 grand just for a small apartment building. The most recent job we have taken on is a rather large apartment building. Tenants need to be out so the property can be sold for a new hotel that was going in its place and there are a few hangers-on that won’t leave. The last job we scared them good with our tricks.” He chuckled and then shoved a significant bit of hash browns and gravy in his mouth.
“Isn’t it dangerous?”
“How so?”
“I mean you’re pissing people off. What if you scare them so bad they attack you? What if they don’t believe in ghosts?”
“I understand your concerns. That isn’t usually an issue.” Dan grinned cocking his head slightly.
“I find that hard to believe, young man.”
“Let me just show you a trick.” He said winking.
I sat there and watched him. He asked the waitress to come over. The older woman came over smiling, and he pulled out his hand. It was completely missing. Just a bloody stump appeared in its place. I knew it was an illusion, and even if there hadn’t been blood, it still would have been unnerving.
She was holding a pitcher of ice water and promptly dropped it upon viewing the stump. Standing up to help the waitress, I noticed on the floor by the puddle of water; there were cockroaches in place of the ice cubes crawling around.
Dan pulled out a handkerchief from his shirt sleeve and handed it to her. She wiped off the water from her cheek and when she looked down the cockroaches were gone and so was the bloody stump. Now using both his hands, he helped her pick up the ice.
She looked distraught and had a hard time composing herself. I could see the confusion on her face.
“I’m sorry I’m not feeling well.” She said, and one of the other waitresses helped her towards the back of the kitchen.
I looked at him, and I smirked. “How?”
“Magic.” He smiled
“Come on.”
“Not all tricks should be shared.” He stood up and tossed me his card, walking out of the diner. It was my turn to feel bewildered.
That evening I sat in my study thinking about what had transpired. I didn’t know I needed to bother calling, however, it was around noon the following day dealing with some asshole customer who couldn’t decide if he wanted to buy an RV because he still loved his old one when I thought maybe I could be doing something else.
Some hours later, I found myself sitting in the same diner, staring into a cup of coffee. I pulled out the card and looked at it. I called Dan. He arranged a meeting over the phone within minutes, and I was to meet his boss the next day to discuss things. I had to get the approval of Dan’s boss before he deemed me worthy of taking me on.
The meeting took place inside an old pawn shop on the edge of the city. I entered the tiny building, and it smelled of too many cigarettes and wasn’t well lit. A bleach blonde-haired woman in her late 40’s met me, first with a handshake. I noticed her long red nails and her cleavage. She wore a bodysuit with a palm tree pattern and blue jeans. She told me to wait in the lobby and “Big Sam” would be with me shortly.
She chewed gum loudly, and I guessed she was the receptionist.
“You’re older than I thought.”
“Thanks,” I said perplexed.
“No honey, don’t take it personally. Big Sammy has this way of recruiting kids off the street, and most aren’t finished with high school. It’s nice to see someone that isn’t a kid. He’s going to love that.”
“Why is that?”
“Because the young ones don’t last. They always disappear after payday.”
I stood there looking at her as she licked stamps and stuck them on envelopes.
“You can sit.” She said, pointing to a pink chair.
I looked down, and there was an orange cat sprawled out in the chair.
“Oh, that’s Elvis you can move him.”
I smiled and looked at him again. The cat opened one of his eyes, which was emerald green looking at me as if to say don’t you even think about it!
“Oh, Elvis! Get up! Go chase mice!” She said, popping her gum loudly picking up the fat cat and placing him in the back of the office. She resumed her place at her desk licking stamps and loudly chewing her gum. I took off my jacket and placed it on the chair before sitting down. The chair was ragged, stained, and covered in lumps of cat hair.
I took a deep breath and played on my phone while I waited. It must have been another twenty minutes when the man they referred to as Big Sam finally came out. Sam was very tan and had long black hair, which was in a ponytail with bits of sweat pouring down his forehead. A thick gold chain necklace of a crucifix was hanging from his chest, and bits of black curly hair stuck out from the top of his unbuttoned dress shirt. Big Sammy looked like every old mafia guy you had seen in the movies. He handed a pile of papers to the receptionist and then eyed me.
“Marti,” he turned to the blonde woman. “We have the great Eddie Cavalier in our presence! Please, sir, it is a great pleasure meeting you! Please come to my office.” He shook my hand heartedly, and I followed him. “This is a real pleasure. I can’t tell you how often I used to watch you in the Blue Room! Vegas is a town of many illusions but you being in that RV lot that day Dan found you were one of the best yet! Maybe I should pinch myself!” He laughed loudly.
I smiled at him but wasn’t entirely sure what to say.
“Dan explained what we do here, right?”
“Yes, although I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be doing.”
“No issue there. My boys will show you the ropes. Not that there are many you don’t already know.”
“When would I start?” I asked.
“Tonight. I’ll make sure you get a cut of the payment when I’m paid in full.”
“Does it usually take a long time to get paid?”
“No, I can advance the payments if need be, but you have to stick it out no matter what. Big Sam doesn’t like to get double-crossed.” Big Sam spoke of himself in the third person as though he held himself in high esteem.
So this was the racketeering operation they ran. I wasn’t sure what brought me here, except for the promise of a hefty paycheck. They were like supernatural loan sharks. I wasn’t sure about all this, and I could tell by the look on Big Sam’s face he meant business. I wondered if that is where some of those teenagers had disappeared. Did they leave or did something else happen to them? I didn’t want to think about it. This is the most exciting thing that had happened to me in a long while, and I missed performing. This crazy scheme was probably the closest I would ever get to getting paid to perform magic tricks. I thought about it, and then Big Sam reaching into his drawer, pulled out a large wad of cash. He handed me a chunk of it.
“There’s five thousand there. To keep you quiet about this just in case you don’t want to join our little troop. If you do, the crew meets at Midnight at this address.” He wrote down an address and slid it across the table toward me.
I smiled at Big Sam, and he winked at me. “So it’s a deal?”
“Yes!” I exclaimed none too happy to take the large sum of cash in front of me. We shook on it, and that was the initial meeting. I half expected someone to jump me upon leaving because of the cash, but I managed to get to my car safely and five thousand dollars richer.
I decided I’d be going to meet these illusionists before I was handed the address of the location. I felt o owed myself that much. Who knew it could be fun, maybe.
At exactly Midnight, I pulled up towards an old warehouse. I expected there to be a small crowd of cars, but I didn’t see anyone else.
I turned on my brights to see if anyone else was around and then I got a loud bang at my passenger side window startling me. When I looked over, I realized t was Dan.
“Turn off the lights!”
I complied and turned off the headlights. Dan juggled the handle to my passenger door, and I caught the cue and unlocked it. He got in and sat down and didn’t say anything for a moment, looking around. That is when he told me to drive around the corner of the lot and park my vehicle.
We sat in silence for another few moments, and then he addressed me.
“Never park in front of the place in question. Never use headlights or make noise. We are scoping out the place tonight. We got to get a feel for what the schedules are of the tenants so we can have when the best time is to set up and begin our operation.”
“I think I’m finally starting to understand how this all works. How long does it take to gauge?”
“On average, a couple of weeks, but this place here should be empty. There are a few stubborn assholes who wouldn’t take a payout, so it’s up to us to scare the living shit out of them.” He laughed hysterically.
“Where is everyone else? Big Sammy said I’d be meeting some other guys?”
“You will. After we all finish our shifts in a week, we compare notes. Our shift is Midnight to 5:00 am then the next guys show up and so on. When the week is up, we meet with Big Sam and try to decide when to go in and set up.”
It was mainly a heist minus the theft. I sat there with Dan watching the building until my eyes began to droop. He shook my arm, and I looked down at his hand.
“A little pick me up?” He held out a small bag of cocaine, and I shook my head. “What about Adderall?”
I looked at him and laughed, pulling up the coffee I had next to me. “Strictly caffeine guy. At my age, I may die of a heart attack.”
“Suit yourself.” He popped two Adderalls and then sat back. Dan focused on the old looking building, and I just tried to remain alert. What seemed like days instead of hours passed, and then the sun began to come up. That is when two headlights met my vehicle head-on. Dan was watching the building with a dazed expression upon his face.
“I think we have company.”
“Huh?” He mumbled and then looked at me.
“Ahead.”
“Oh yeah, that’s Marcus and Jet. We can go. I’ll see you tonight same time same place.” With that, he got out of my car and disappeared into the early dawns light.
I drove home in a daze perplexed at what I had just done for the last six hours. I wasn’t sure I hadn’t completely lost my marbles. They all made what we were doing seem natural.
The following night was the same as was the next. After a week of stakeouts, watching a few of the tenants that were still living in the building, Dan declared it was time to set a plan into action.
Initially, I was told Big Sam would hold a meeting to decide when to go in the building and set our equipment up. Dan seemed to have his own ideas.
Dan called a meeting nearly a week and a half later and declared Big Sam gave his okay on our entering the building. I was a little uncomfortable going ahead since I hadn’t seen Big Sam say it was okay myself, but Dan seemed to run things from the beginning. Dan was Big Sam’s right-hand man in charge, and he had found me and set up the meeting with Big Sam. I decided not to question it. We met in an old storage unit not far from the town surrounded by desert.
Inside were hundreds of props used in magic shows. I recognized them all. They had a levitating table, hundreds of “magic” mirrors, fog machines, and multiple notebooks and blueprints; which I guessed were for the building layouts.
“Thanks for coming guys,” Dan said, pulling out a small bag of pills and popping three in his mouth and proceeded to open a beer and chug it down. He took a deep breath and then belched loudly.
No one seemed to find it as obnoxious as I did. The other guys looked as shabby as Dan. Dan wore a black leather jacket with black boots and goggles on his head.
Jet was a tall, lanky guy with a black Snoop Dog t-shirt on and tight black jeans. He wore saddle shoes like everyone used to do in the ’80s. He wore red-rimmed glasses and kept a green comb over his ear. He had leather gloves with the fingers hanging out.
Marcus stood tall and full long blonde hair shaved in a Mohawk wearing a long black raincoat and a white tank. He too looked like a misfit of fashion, and all three combined looked like an awful steampunk band.
I sat in a short sleeve dress shirt, polished brown dress shoes with matching slacks. I felt overdressed.
“We haven’t seen anyone there in two nights,” began Marcus “But the old bag lady is still there with her nephew.”
“I think there are two others, but they are in a gang. It’s going to be hard to keep track of the gang activity coming and going at night.” Jet said, rubbing his chin deep in thought.
“We can go in later today. I think if we dress as fumigation workers, no one will pay attention to us. We can easily get in.” Dan said pacing.
“That’s suspicious. Three or four random workers all in fumigation masks?” Marcus asked.
“Like Ghostbusters.” Jet laughed.
“Not funny,” Marcus said, rolling his eyes.
“Technically we are fumigation workers, just of people.” Jet said, adjusting his glasses. He pulled up a deck of cards and made them dance by themselves on the table in front of him. I watched him while I tried to figure out how he was able to move them so quickly. It wasn’t your typical card trick. The cards flew out of his hand and onto the table and back into his hands.
I shook my head blinking, and then I thought of it. “Painters. It’s not unusual for painters to come in multiple numbers.” I suggested thinking it sounded as stupid as their idea.
“That’s awesome!” Said Dan clapping his hands.
The others smiled nodding in agreement.
“Good job, old man!” Jet said, patting me on the shoulder.
Were they serious? It was a half baked idea if I ever heard one.
Dan grabbed a rolled-up blueprint off the floor and began mapping out where and how we would set up our magic tricks.
They gathered everything up, and I noticed they didn’t take any supplies with them, except for a medium-sized chest.
“What do you want me to bring? What sort of tricks do you want me to perform?”
Dan patted me on the shoulder. “Everything we need is in this box.”
I was confused, but being new I didn’t question it.
We all got into what Dan lovingly called the Shaggin’ Wagon. We through on some painters t-shirts and baggy pants. We drove to the building and parked the shaggin’ wagon in the back.
Dan put his steampunk goggles on, and they seemed to suit him even in his painters uniform. He carried the blueprints under his arm, and Marcus carried the chest under his arm.
Jet had a small backpack, and he pointed to a ladder from the back of the van for me to carry. I looked at Jet, confused.
“It has to look authentic. What painter doesn’t have a ladder?” He laughed.
I shrugged it off, grabbing the ladder and walked up to the building following the others.
We were able to enter the building utterly undetected by any of the tenants that were left. The building already felt abandoned even though we knew of at least seven or eight people that were still living on multiple floors of the apartment building.
Walking down the halls, I couldn’t figure out why anyone still chose to live there. The walls were cracked and the ceilings leaked. Ants were everywhere, and on a few occasions, while walking, I saw more than one roach scattering across the floor. Parts of it had garbage piled up from where the other tenants had already moved out and left it as is. No wonder the owner was selling this property to have it bulldozed.
Dan found an entry to the attic area of the building that had a sign marked HAZARDOUS AREA.
Dan parked the box on the floor, and the others settled in around him as they made themselves at home.
Dan lit a cigarette, and the others sat around him doing their own thing. I stood watching them trying to figure out where I fit in.
Finally, Dan looked up at me and smiled. “Eddie we are going to be here for a while. Why don’t you show us one of those cool card tricks.”
The others chuckled to themselves as they watched me. I nodded smiling, ready to show them my “card on fire trick.”
Dan picked a card, and after I shuffled it, I grabbed a lighter from Marcus lighting the first card on fire, knowing it wasn’t Dan’s card. Burning it turned into the card Dan had selected. I did the trick at lightning speed. It was a simple trick of bait and switch. I watched the others watching me, and as they laughed, I felt suddenly like an amateur.
Marcus took out a coin, and then he put it behind his ear. Looking over at Dan, he pulled the same coin from Dan’s mouth. I chuckled as I had never seen the trick done so carefully. We killed time showing each other magic tricks back and forth, then as we got tired, Dan took a look at his watch. It was nearing 3 am, and we could hear people yelling and laughing just below us in the hallway. Dan looked around the room and had an excited look upon his face, like the one you would see on the Joker.
“Showtime fellas.”
Marcus stood almost jovial, taking off his painters uniform to reveal winged tattoos on his back that glowed in the dark. Marcus put on a black shirt with a strange symbol in white on the front of it. Dan did a line of coke and a few pills to pump himself up. I had gotten used to Dan’s usage of drugs during the last couple of weeks.
I anxiously watched them all changing clothes as though they were going into battle. Dan handed me a dark blue sweatshirt, and I put it on. I guessed the theme was to wear all dark and blend in with the night.
I looked over at Dan and Jet, who also wore symbols on the front of their shirts. They were different from the one Marcus had on, almost like Sigils. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I followed them as they grabbed the chest they brought with them.
I watched as they all three snuck down from the ceiling in the dark hallway. There was barely any light because the landlord had most of the lightbulbs removed as a deterrent from staying longer. I slowly followed them as they stood in the center of the hallway, and all three seemed to form a triangle. Dan was the first to move, and he opened the chest slowly pulling out a pair of ten-sided polygon dice.
Dan proceeded to roll the dice, and when he did, that is when I realized what he was doing. There was a light that appeared from the pair of them. The sides closest together moved in closer and connected. After they moved in, the light went out, and that is when I could see it. Down the hall were two tall shadows. Jet then pulled out a mirror from his backpack, placing it in the center of where the dice were. The reflection of the dice in the mirror faced the direction of the two shadows at the end of the hall. The flickering lights were now completely off and the hall pitch black.
I heard a hissing, and then I realized the shadows were slithering like snakes up the walls and into the vents of the apartment building.
Screams came from inside the walls all around us. Terror bellowed out from every direction, and then I heard doors slamming and people running.
I heard rattling above me in the ceiling where the vents were, and then I listened to a gust of air as though someone turned on the central air.
Then the sound stopped, and I heard nothing.

I am the Maid of Honor for my cousin's wedding and she is the Abbi to my Ilana. We are having the bachelorette party in Las Vegas and I really wanted to do a Broad City theme for the shirts/party favors/things like that (this is my first time planning something like this so I have no idea what I'm doing). I would appreciate any suggestions/ideas that you fellow broad city lovers might have!

Nominated for the Academy Award® for Best Original Screenplay (Melissa McCarthy was also nominated for Supporting Actress), Bridesmaids was 2011’s top movie in domestic box office – if you discount titles that were either sequels or adaptations of wildly popular pre-existing material (it was #14 overall). As so many of the best original concepts do, it built on a type of movie that has been very successful before (the R-rated “group of guys” comedy, a la The Hangover), with a fresh conceptual twist that is perfect for a movie poster. In this case, the new wrinkle is that all the craziness is experienced by a group of women – bridesmaids, no less. If great movie premises tend to have a unique irony or “itch to be scratched,” as Blake observed, this certainly qualifies.
Genre: The word “craziness” is a hint to the genre I think Bridesmaids fits into. It’s the story of a woman who goes a little bit crazy in response to a relatable “life problem” – which is that she thinks she’s losing her lifelong best friend. She reacts to this in a “wrong way” (trying to compete with the friend’s new female friend) – a process that is very entertaining to watch, though unsuccessful. Finally, she comes to her senses with an “acceptance” of life as it is (no longer needing to compete, she’s ready and willing to move on with her life). So it plays like a classic “Rite of Passage,” with a “Mid-Life Passage” subgenre: she’s a thirty-something “loser” with nothing to show for herself in terms of career, finances, or marriage/family – and her best friend’s positive life changes only underscore that reality for her.
Jon Hamm makes for a memorable opening image.
1. Opening Image (minute 1): Inside a beautiful home, Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm are having sex. She tries to make herself look good when he wakes up the next morning, because she’s broken his rule about staying overnight. She lies that she doesn’t want/need a relationship – because that’s clearly what he wants to hear. He tells her he wants her to leave, “but doesn’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick.” She has to climb over his driveway gate to get out – and then ends up stuck on top of it as it starts to open. Her humiliation is palpable. Credits roll.
2. Theme Stated (5): Over coffee, Kristen’s best friend, played by Saturday Night Live alumnus Maya Rudolph, opines about Kristen’s demeaning casual sex relationship with Jon, saying “It’s almost like you’re doing it because you feel bad about yourself.” These words will soon apply equally well to the actions Kristen will take in reaction to Maya’s relationship with a new female friend – which will be the central story problem.
3. Set-Up (1-10): As good Set-ups tend to do, this one stays with the main character exclusively as she experiences various moments of conflict in the different areas of her life. In the process, we learn all we need to know about (1) her work: her bakery went out of business, and now she works in a jewelry store where the boss only hired her as a favor to her mother; (2) her living situation: she has obnoxious brother-sister roommates who demand the rent tomorrow, which she doesn’t have; and (3) her social life: where all she seems to have are the Jon trysts, and the one friendship with Maya. So she’s living a very compromised life, as good main characters usually are. One might even call it pathetic, and without much of a Save the Cat! moment to make the audience want to follow her. But Wiig’s inherent likability and comedic reputation – coupled with the promise of great hilarity to come – buys a lot of good will as we move toward the Catalyst.
4. Catalyst (12): Maya shows Kristen her engagement ring. Dougie popped the question! She asks Kristen to be her maid of honor. Kristen finds the whole thing overwhelming and difficult: she can already sense their friendship slipping away.
The news is sprung that the question was popped.
5. Debate (12-25): Kristen gets her first taste of what this Catalyst will lead to, grappling with its ramifications in typical “Debate section” fashion. First, her mother can’t go with her to Maya’s engagement party (in a scene that completes the picture of Kristen’s current life, giving us a sense of her family situation). So Kristen shows up at the intimidating country club venue in her crappy car, alone. There, she meets Maya’s other potential bridesmaids (with comedy and conflicts at every turn), culminating with Maya’s rich and beautiful closest new friend, played by Rose Byrne. Kristen is immediately jealous and threatened by Rose. Toasts to the bride and groom begin, and Rose tears up, calling Maya her best friend.
6. Break into Two (25): The “upside-down world” of Kristen competing with Rose (as they prepare for Maya’s wedding) begins in earnest during these toasts. Kristen tries to one-up Rose in her expressions of closeness to Maya, which only lead to humiliation. She clearly can’t compete, and will be overmatched by her – always a good thing for a main character. If Kristen had more self-esteem and confidence, she wouldn’t be so bothered by this, and wouldn’t engage in childish attempts to hang onto her status in Maya’s life. But she doesn’t. We can see she’s going down a “wrong road” already, as main characters in “Rites of Passage” always do. At the same time, we can understand and relate to her for feeling the way she does – and look forward to the conflict and comedy that will come from this.
7. B Story (27): Leaving the party, Kristen gets pulled over by a cop played by Chris O’Dowd. He notices they’re neighbors, and was a fan of her bakery. He rips up her ticket, and seems attracted to her. Because she doesn’t seem to really pick up on this, or care, this doesn’t seem to launch a second story challenge for her the way a B Story usually does. But it does serve to smooth over the obvious transition into Act Two, while beginning a dynamic that will clearly turn into the B Story.
8. Fun and Games (30-55): The “promise of the premise” of these women behaving badly while preparing for a wedding begins in earnest here – centering on Kristen’s relatable drive to keep her best friend. She meets Rose one-on-one, and they play a viciously competitive round of tennis. Then all the bridesmaids go to a Brazilian restaurant (Kristen’s idea), and as they discuss shower themes, Rose undermines Kristen’s suggestion of “Parisian.” They then head to a dress shop, where Kristen learns Rose is getting Maya a special designer dress. Her sense of resentment and competition with Rose continues to build. (In other words, the “Fun and Games,” as always, is anything but “fun” for the main character – it’s only fun for the audience.) Suddenly the women all start feeling sick – apparent food poisoning from Kristen’s restaurant choice. They all start vomiting and/or having diarrhea (except for perfect Rose, who didn’t eat any meat there). Rose practically talks Kristen into realizing she has to throw up, too. Finally, Maya soils an expensive wedding dress in the middle of the street outside.
In a B Story sequence, Kristen works on Jon to be her wedding date, then tries to make him jealous by saying she has another man. Then she runs into cop Chris again, and he encourages her to start another bakery. But she says she’s done with that. She’s not really into Chris at this point, or experiencing this dynamic as a real problem, so one might say this scene is a bit slow in comparison to the conflict-laden interaction with Jon. But her bonding with Chris over using a radar gun does serve as a break in the constant humiliations of the A Story – and moves forward Kristen’s B Story about the challenges of her relationships with men.
Vegas-bound bridesmaids.
9. Midpoint (55): Rose and the other bridesmaids overrule Kristen’s choice for an affordable bachelorette party, and want to go to Las Vegas instead. In a slow motion shot full of foreboding, the women board a plane bound for Vegas…
10. Bad Guys Close In (55-78): Nervous flier Kristen has to sit in coach while Rose and Maya enjoy first class. Rose gives Kristen pills and a drink to calm her down. This leads to a heavily buzzed Kristen making a fool out of herself on the plane in a variety of ways (as the other women have their own hilarious conversations and conflicts). Kristen ultimately gets them all kicked off the plane – thus ruining the shower. They have to ride a bus now, were Maya tells Kristen she wants to replace her as maid of honor, with Rose.
Defeated in the A Story, Kristen asks Chris if he wants to hang out – and we’re back to the B Story. This leads to them sleeping together. The next morning, he wants her to bake something, but she freaks out and leaves. She then admits in a phone message to Maya that this was a mistake, and she is her own worst enemy.
11. All Is Lost (79): Kristen receives a package. It’s an invitation to Maya’s shower, which Rose has organized – with a Parisian theme (stolen from Kristen)! Then in quick succession, Kristen gets fired from her job for her conflict with a teen customer, then gets a message from Chris that he won’t be calling her again. Finally, she gets kicked out of her apartment by her roommates. On all fronts, her life is clearly worse than it was when we began, and she seems to have no hope left to achieve her goals for this story – two key aspects of any great “All is Lost” crisis. Kristen moves in with her mother, something she never wanted to have to do – saying to her “You remember when you thought I hit bottom? That wasn’t bottom.”
12. Dark Night of the Soul (80-92): Kristen goes to Rose’s gorgeous house for an unbelievably opulent wedding shower, where Rose one-ups her again by giving Maya a gift of a trip to Paris. Kristen freaks out in front of everyone, cursing and trying to destroy things. She then is told by Maya, “Don’t even bother coming to my wedding.” As Kristen drives away, she gets rear-ended by a hit and run driver. Her car then won’t start, and she’s stranded on the road. Chris helps her get her car taken care of, and takes the opportunity to tell her off. Jon comes to pick her up, but is so obnoxious that she demands to be let out, and will walk home instead.
13. Break into Three (93): Kristen is crying watching Castaway at her mom’s, when fellow bridesmaid Melissa McCarthy shows up. Kristen complains about her life and Melissa gives her some tough love – roughing her up a bit, and trying to get her to fight back. After Kristen finally slaps her, Melissa says “good hit,” then tells the story of her own difficult life. She tells Kristen that she’s her own problem, and also her own solution.
14. Finale (94-117): Kristen bakes, in a brief montage set to music with a “starting over, getting healthier” feel. She hugs her mom and tells her she loves her, then leaves an “I’m sorry” cake on Chris’s porch. But then she sees him notice it, and leave it on the ground. (In other words, there might be a “new hope and new plan” for Act Three, but it won’t be easy for Kristen to fix things.) On the morning of the wedding, Rose shows up at Kristen’s door, wondering if she knows where Maya is. No one can find her. They drive off together, and Rose apologizes for everything. Kristen learns that Rose has plenty of problems of her own. They try to get Chris to help, but he ignores Kristen, so she drives back and forth in front of him – committing various driving infractions to try to get his attention. He finally helps them (though not forgiving her), only to figure out that Maya is home in her apartment.
Kristen shows up there, and finds Maya hiding under the covers. Maya tells Kristen the wedding is out of control, and it’s not working without Kristen. Kristen reassures her, telling her she’s going to be fine – and really seems to mean it. Kristen has clearly grown considerably from where she started, and is accepting the change to their lives that Maya’s wedding represents. She then stands beside Maya at the wedding as her maid of honor. We can see how everything is ending well for everyone, and all is forgiven. They dance to Wilson-Phillips.
15. Final Image (117): Chris shows up after the wedding, finally softening toward Kristen, and they kiss. They ride off in his squad car together, and he tells her she’s in big trouble for all those driving infractions…